Training My Inner Puppy

 

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(When my dog, Woof was a puppy)

Life sometimes seem like a little puppy that I’m trying to train. No matter how many times I tell her that she has to go outside to do her business or that she cannot chew furniture, it seems like she doesn’t seem to care or learn.

The only difference between life and the puppy might be that the latter grows up to become an obedient dog one day, while life? Sigh! Life remains at the puppy stage forever.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying that we cannot channelize our lives into a disciplined path leading to our goals and dreams but the thing is that it is an everyday process. At least for me, it is. Every bloody day I need to gather all my willpower to sit and do what I like to do best. Write. It does seem paradoxical, doesn’t it? When I say that writing is my passion and yet, when I need the greatest amount of focus to gather myself into that head space from where I can write, instead of being distracted by the latest YouTube video of Seth Meyers or the latest notification on social media!

However, come to think of it, it might have more to do with consistency and commitment. You see, it is easy to gather up all that enthusiasm to start something but to go on at it with the same level of zeal seems like an uphill task. 

My reality right now is that I’ve left a stable income source to pursue my dreams and then when I see myself struggling to keep focus or teetering at the edges desperately trying to gain stability in my everyday routine what results is in fact, self loathing. And as we all know, calling ourselves nasty names hardly helps our cases.

So yes, the cycle goes on in a loop. Slip and fall. Get distracted by something else. And hate myself at the end of the day. Where did all the time go?

I feel uncomfortable to show you my weakest side but this is where I stand right now. This is my reality and I got to honor it. 🙂

I’d finished 50,000 words of the first draft of my novel back in November during NaNoWriMo. However, I’m yet to pick up pace since then and finish the damn thing. I’d tried writing short stories since then and those lay in an unfinished heap like spools of woolen threads in different colors near my feet, begging me to bring them to completion.

I am in a difficult stage of my life right now. I’m trying to gain sanity, trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’m not so loathsome after all, and that all this struggle will make sense someday.

But for now? For now, I’m busy training the puppy and running after her while she sinks her teeth into the juicy leg of my favourite table.

 

(This post was written as a part of the #DIYMFA Book Club hosted by the brilliant writing coach Gabriella Periera. You too can sign up for the for the event to share your stories and learn more about writing, here: 

Also, you can get Gabriella’s book DIY MFA here. I just got my copy today! 🙂 )

11 thoughts on “Training My Inner Puppy

  1. You are not alone Kasturi and this isn’t a short post look at the word drought in mine if that helps by any means.
    Keep taking those tiny steps everyday even if it is two steps forward and one backwards you have made one step progress.
    always easier said than done, all I can offer is hugs and love.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You’ve demonstrated the talent. You can do this.
    You’ve talked about self loathing when you fall short. But do you show yourself self-love when you succeed?
    It is worth celebrating every success, because that builds a positive mind-set that will drive out the self loathing.
    With very best wishes
    Penny

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Kasturi , I am going through the exact same phase. It is as if you penned my insecurities and the constant struggle. At times I wonder , if something is your passion, then why do you have to make such an effort to keep at it. But, you did really well in November..I am sure a wonderful piece of art is in the making. My best wishes are with you always! Much love !!

    Liked by 1 person

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